just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
