Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
