Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
