I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
