I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
