so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
