i need an iv and a liver transplant
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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