this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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