highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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