Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
