Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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