I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
