She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I did not marry a roomba.
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