I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
