I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
