i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
