This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
