I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think my fart just growled at me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
