I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize