please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
