can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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