2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper