If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want to be your penis for a week.
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I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then