Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.