We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
