3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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