just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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