its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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