so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
