Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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