Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
