Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
