im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
