my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
