I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
