He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
