I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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