Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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