She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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