Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
