is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
