The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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