were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
