i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
