if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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