He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
