He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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