You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
as a side note pls kill me
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