so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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