you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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