New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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