yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
