true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is it penis luge time yet?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.