If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?