So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
