Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.

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  (323): At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands. http://tfl.nu/8842
  Replies (13) Good night (1496) Bad night (446)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.

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  (314): screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all. http://tfl.nu/filb
  Replies (21) Good night (5429) Bad night (803)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.

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  (705): She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that. (905): I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory. http://tfl.nu/dnea
  Replies (8) Good night (4695) Bad night (1158)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.

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  (613): I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line. http://tfl.nu/g6vr
  Replies (7) Good night (732) Bad night (4435)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy

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  (913): You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy http://tfl.nu/fi9p
  Replies (12) Good night (5271) Bad night (1053)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"

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  (978): You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!" http://tfl.nu/193a
  Replies (3) Good night (1901) Bad night (877)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.

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  (407): Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time. http://tfl.nu/ap64
  Replies (4) Good night (615) Bad night (1216)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.

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  (734): He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point. http://tfl.nu/zkwk
  Replies (4) Good night (1322) Bad night (572)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.

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  (603): I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment. http://tfl.nu/fbcm
  Replies (1) Good night (806) Bad night (389)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest

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  (507): 2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest http://tfl.nu/nadf
  Replies (6) Good night (848) Bad night (468)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now

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  (662): I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now http://tfl.nu/ipud
  Replies (2) Good night (238) Bad night (356)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up

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  (203): I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up http://tfl.nu/5hi5
  Replies (8) Good night (385) Bad night (710)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.

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  (801): If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment. http://tfl.nu/t8v8
  Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (264)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.

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  (201): I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man. http://tfl.nu/58ag
  Replies (7) Good night (232) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.

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  (520): dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first. http://tfl.nu/2u4z
  Replies (32) Good night (283) Bad night (1133)

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