I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
