I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize