Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
