Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
