Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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