I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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