I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
