Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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