I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
