So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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