grandma shit on top of the toilet
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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