"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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