Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
