Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
and she was petting her beer can
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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