Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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