Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
