i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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