I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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