No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
